Thursday, 20 December 2012


This time of year is well-known for producing musical horrors. It seems that in their quest to find the holiday spirit guaranteed to make people pile their shopping carts ever higher (sometimes causing casualties in the process), shopping centres and radio DJs will stop at nothing. Nothing. Nothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

Darth Vader moment over. Here are some songs that you can put on if you really want people to leave.

Oh my stars, I've never heard such a bad album... It's the Star Wars Christmas Album!

Christmas in the Stars

I also "recommend" R2D2, We Wish You A Merry Christmas, featuring the first professional recording of John Bon Jovi, apparently. He had to start somewhere.
And What Can You Get A Wookiee For Christmas.

On the "non-musical voiceover character" thread, here's a sample from an album that made my current housemate unable to tolerate Christmas ever again:

The Muppets- 12 Days of Christmas

I love the Muppets as much as anyone (apart from that last movie), but I think we can all agree that singing isn't their strong suit...

Cher and Rosie O'Donnell - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

So jolly I can't stand it. This is the song you either send on a mixtape to your ex-partner, or listen to whilst crying into your peppermint cocktail. Also features bad Cher fan art! And random autotune from when it was still exciting.

June Carter Cash and The Carter Sisters – Figgy Pudding

Whereas this is for when you want to listen to other people trying to sound like they're having fun because you're not having fun yourself... PUT. DOWN. THE RUM. No, c'mon Grandma. Please?

And... um...

Tiny Tim - Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS This Year

I don't know. I really just don't know. I knew Tiny Tim was strange (and I love him for it), but...

What You Want For Christmas - K-Nock, Quad City DJs & The 69 Boy

Are there any other Christmas songs that start with "Hey Playa"? You should at least listen for the moment of respect they show Jesus Christ. This is hilarious actually.

And now. The one that everyone agrees upon, the worst of the worst...

Give it up for... Christmas Shoes!

NewSong - Christmas Shoes

"I want her to look beautiful if Momma meets Jesus tonight." Clearly about an underaged conman. I like the hat, it screams "urchin." And uh... his mother appears to be the last pioneer woman. No wonder she's ill, she's got to be pushing one hundred at least!

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